Motivational

Comparison: A switch for self-destruction

Would you rather be the world’s most extraordinary human being, but have everyone think you’re the world’s worst human? Or would you rather be the world’s worst human but have everyone think you’re the world’s most incredible human being? In one interview, While commenting on human behavior, Warren Buffet said that “How people behave depends on whether they have an inner scorecard or an outer scorecard.”

There are two types of comparisons: Upward comparison, when you compare yourself to the people who, according to you, are better than yourself. And second, downward comparison means comparing yourself to the less proficient and fortunate people than you.

Constantly comparing yourself to others gives them control over your behavior. May it be your weight, money, looks, or how happy they look on their Instagram wall. Comparison between two people is always a recipe for disaster for at least one person. When two people compare themselves, one is bound to be unhappy inevitably. Either one becomes jealous, envious and decides to act on it, or worst, bringing others down.

Jealousy, anger, greed, demotivating others, revenge, a feeling of sin towards someone are the few things that come as obstacles on our path of awakening spirituality, explains Swamiji.

However, the comparison is not all bad. 

 If taken healthily, it can be a great motivator. Having a role model, who is a hundred miles ahead of you, can work out as a roadmap of success for you. If you witness someone’s growth, it could create healthy competition, pushing you towards excellence. But the benefits of a comparison train stops here, before tunneling into the darkness of self-destruction.

Why is comparison a recipe for self-destruction?

Comparison is a thief of joy. Let’s face it. Being a social animal, everyone must have compared himself with someone out there. Research says that comparing ourselves to others results in lower self-confidence, depression, and even anxiety. Suppose you reach yourself to the less fortunate to feel better about yourself; it’s a trap. It means you get pleasure out of someone else’s misery, to feel lucky or sufficient.

Comparison is a losing battle. No one is perfect in their life. Let’s assume that with comparison, you excel someone. Will you be happy? No, because there always will be a bigger fish in the sea. In this life, it’s impossible to reach a place where you will be better than everyone in every aspect of life.

Comparison is always based on inadequate information. Apart from photo filters, people usually tend to post their happy moments on social media, an edited version of reality. When asking your friend how she is doing? No one discloses their relationship issues, health problems, career failure, or family matters. The answer will always be – “I am doing great.” It’s a human tendency to overestimate others’ overall happiness while denying or underplaying the negative feelings in them. So, whatever feelings we have with the limited information are not adequate or distorted.

Even though the comparison is considered healthy, it doesn’t help an individual to achieve personal goals. If someone wants to live a fulfilling life, he must dedicate his time and energy to the values he has created for himself, instead of comparing to others. Being hard on self is demotivating and reduces the power of Sankalp or resolution.

How can you stop comparing yourself to others?

Identifying the triggers

Many of us are addicted to social media, and ultimately, that triggers us emotionally to compare ourselves to others. By being wholly engulfed in self-criticism, we let these negativities govern our responses. With some retrospection and knowing the behavioral patterns, we can set aside the thought process, which could help us identify the trigger points. When it starts to happen, ask yourself, “I am getting into the comparison mode. How is this helping me?” If you ask yourself this question loudly, voicing makes it real and pushes you to take action on it, stopping the comparison before you spiral down with negativity.

Choosing your path

If you continuously compare, either you will end up inferior or superior to someone, and these both states of mind are not healthy for the ego within you. When you stay in your lane, focusing on self-development, you will be concentrating on yourself. You won’t be having spare time to look at others, as you will be busy getting on with it.

Appreciation

Comparisons take a heavy toll on our ability to enjoy small things. A helpful way to decrease anxiety is through appreciation. During the times of introspection, everyone should practice performing the self SWOT analysis. When you evaluate yourself based on your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats, you hold a real mirror to yourself. You learn to appreciate your strengths along with your internal flaws.

It’s all about looking inwards. 

Comparison often shifts your focus from within you, to others, by killing the joy of achievement. You understand the fact that you are unique, with special skills that only you possess. The moment you start the comparison, you refuse the things gifted by the universe that made you special. Things often look prettier from outside than they are from inside. Instead of trying to change ourselves from the outside, we should concentrate on changing from within.

Meditation

Mindfulness or meditation is an excellent way to overcome self-consciousness that inevitably appears after comparison. Rewiring your relationship with self, meditation helps to observe our thoughts mindfully while reducing the harsh blow of self-criticism. It makes us calm and confident around others, increasing our self-acceptance. It also trains our mind to see other people in affection, and not as possible competition.    

If we constantly compare ourselves with others, then remember, this is not your journey any more. Understand that you are walking on the path of others and following the standards created by them. And when this happens, we are bound to lose track of our journey.

Remember, if you must compare, compare with past yourself, to check out how much you have grown as a human and a spiritual being. When we look at our history to calculate our progress, our growth is not depending upon others’ standing. Looking at the past for what has been working for you and what isn’t is the correct approach to the comparisons. It may surprise you to realize how long you have come.

Is comparison something you completely avoid? Do you have any different methods you practice to deal with comparison in a healthy way? Please let us know in the comment section below.

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