Informative

Grief and the Spiritual Path

We pray to the Divine for countless reasons. Some will pray for relief, and some will pray for happiness. Some will pray out of thankfulness, and many will recall the Divine during a crisis. But do you know what Devi Kunti, mother of legendary fighter Pandavas, used to pray for? When Lord Krishna asked her, what do you seek for in life, she replied,

विपद: सन्तु ता: शश्वत्तत्र तत्र जगद्गुरो । भवतो दर्शनं यत्स्यादपुनर्भवदर्शनम् ॥

Vipadaḥ santu taḥ shashvat tatra tatra jagadguro।

 Bhavato darshanam yat syad apunar bhava darshanam॥

“I wish I could face those catastrophes in my life, again and again; I will experience that grief again and again, for it will be an opportunity to call you again and again. Because meeting you means complete freedom from the endless cycle of birth and death”.  

Grief is omnipresent. No one remains untouched by grief. Getting fired from the job, death of a loved one, ending a relationship, or failure in an exam. Everyone experiences the damp, dark, cold feeling of grief many times in their lives. In this blog, we will understand how spirituality helps us deal with grief healthily and positively.

Stages of Grief

A spiritual path doesn’t always mean one must always be joyful and at peace. Without exception, every life is filled with fear, anger, disgust, melancholy, rage, loneliness, annoyance, grief, and pain, and spirituality doesn’t guarantee you complete freedom from the hardships. Spirituality helps us recognize these negative feelings and realize, these feelings shall pass, and you will not be defined with these emotions.

Fifty years ago, a psychiatrist discovered that there are five stages of grief. They are:

 Denial: Grief is one of the strongest emotions humans suffer through. Many times, grief is so severe that one cannot believe the catastrophe happened to them. 

A husband who is getting a divorce says she is just upset. This shall be over tomorrow. An employee who just got fired says it’s a mistake. They are going to call me tomorrow. A mother who has lost her child in a hospital says, my daughter is not gone forever; doctors can bring her back. It only means that the emotions you have been hiding are going to bubble up anytime soon. 

Anger: Psychiatrists say that anger is just a masking effect of a denial. When the rational brain is overwhelmed by emotions, it cannot think through and gives birth to feelings like betterment and resentment. 

A husband getting a divorce says, I hate her so much, and she suffers a lot. An employee who got fired says I hope the company goes bankrupt, and I wish my boss goes to jail. The mother who has lost her child says that doctors are responsible for her daughter’s death. Once the anger is over, the rational mind begins to take over while pushing the bitter emotions on the sides. 

Bargaining: Feeling extremely vulnerable and hopeless is the result of intense emotions during the grieving period. Once your anger is extinguished, you begin asking questions, starting from ‘what if’ and ‘if only.’ 

That husband who is getting a divorce says, what if I have not cheated on her? She would have stayed with me. An employee who got fired thinks, if only I had put in more hours, they would have understood my importance. The mother who has lost her child says, only if I would have stayed in her room that night. In short, bargaining turns out to be the desperate attempt to postpone our sadness, confusion, or hurt.

Depression: depression is the fourth state in grieving, where often we feel confused, foggy, and heavy-hearted. Many of us choose to isolate ourselves to cope up with the loss. A divorced guy says, what’s the point? The fired employee feels the darkness inside him, and the grieving mother says, I don’t know how to live without my daughter. Depression is unavoidable when it comes to dealing with grief. But when someone decides to stay there for a more extended period than it requires, they must seek help.

Acceptance: Acceptance does not mean a happy ending, nor does it means you have moved on with your life. It means it’s the beginning of a significant change in yourself. The divorcee thinks that was for the best. The guy who got fired from the job feels that he has learned from this experience and started a new career path. A mother grieving for her lost daughter begins to think that she was fortunate to spend so many beautiful years with her girl, and she is always going to be there in her memories. 

Not every individual undergoes these five stages, and not everyone experiences these five with the above order. Still, nevertheless, these five stages help us to determine how to deal with grief.

Tips for coping up with grief.

Grief is very personal and depends on the individual. It’s vital to be patient with yourself when you are in the middle of grieving. There is no simple formula applicable to everyone when dealing with grief, but these are the few methods that will help.

Solitude: Even though it’s said that humans are social animals, and you can get rid of the grief if you share it with someone, some alone time helps us to gather our thoughts while coping with grief. Solitude allows you to move out of these negative feelings at your own pace and with your comfort.

Company: It’s imperative to be alone, but not lonely. Finding a good company, old friends, or supportive relatives is the company you need, who won’t place any expectations on you, and who will let you be without passing any judgments. 

Self-forgiveness: Take it easy on yourself; while grieving, it’s vitally important not to judge yourself harshly. Forgive yourself, for not feeling better, for not keeping it together during the crisis, and for the mistakes you think you might have made. It will get easy over time, and you will start feeling better about yourself in no time.

Recognizing the feelings: Neglecting what you really feel will only cause denial and resentment. You must realize and accept the sensations you are having right now. These feelings do not make you abnormal or weak. Mindfulness will help you regulate those negative feelings while being in grief.

 Body: Regular sleep schedule and exercise are stress busters and great emotional healers. Exercise secrets happy hormones like endorphins which help to elevate the mood and feel good about ourselves.

 Inner needs: Take up a spiritual practice like meditation, mindfulness, or mantra chanting to connect with yourself and the universe. You can start keeping a journal or letter to yourself. Setting up short-term and achievable goals helps you to get out of the house without being overwhelmed. You can make a list of daily activities because forgetfulness is common during grief.

Bagalamukhi Sadhana for Removal of Grief

Divine Mother Bagalamukhi is one of the Dasa Mahavidya (The Ten Great Tantric Goddesses), a mighty Goddess known for destroying the enemy. That enemy doesn’t necessarily have to be a person; it could be a disease, disaster, accident, poverty, distraction, bad luck, or grief.  

Take a bath before Sadhana, and cleanse yourself physically and mentally. Wearing comfortable clothes, meditate to cleanse your subconscious. After ten minutes of meditation, chant this powerful Baglamukhi Mantra 108 times. 

 “Hring Baglamukhi Devyayae Namah”

Divine Mother Bagalamukhi is known to grant relief from sorrows, mental fatigue, and grief. Her Sadhana is known to bless her devotees with courage and strength. She is known to uproot fear from her Sadhak. It is recommended that you consult your Guru and seek his advice before you take up this Sadhana.

 Grief is a part of being human, but one must remember that these feelings and emotions don’t define you as a person. Spirituality shows you the way when you are covered with a dense cloud of grief. We hope you have gained some insight into the spiritual path through grief.

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