Informative

Writing a Forgiveness Letter

‘I am so sorry, or, ‘I forgive you. When you utter these lines, resonating from the bottom of your heart, consider you have grown emotionally and spiritually. Apart from spiritual growth, forgiveness brings freedom, blessings, and improved relationships. In this blog, we will be discussing the importance of writing a forgiveness letter, what it does to you as a spiritual being, and how to write one.  

Why is it so hard to forgive and move on?

We struggle to live in the present. Our mind constantly lingers around the events from the past and worries for the future. As a result, almost every one of us carries emotional baggage from the past. And doing that, we hold down on the grudges, constantly thinking of punishment.

Lack of self-control leads to extreme anger in us. In fear of getting hurt again, we are scared to forgive and forget, and we even believe that revenge is the only medicine that will cure bad memories. But the funny thing is, even after the revenge, these memories continue to haunt us. Forgiving that person from within is the only solution for it.

Forgiving yourself is a lot harder than forgiving someone else. Deep down, we truly believe that we deserve the pain and the misery. Expecting too much from ourselves creates these unrealistic perfectionists within us, and when we fail to match such marks, we engulf ourselves in self-criticism. It reaches such a stage that we feel it’s okay to abuse our minds mentally. And hence, it becomes challenging to forgive ourselves.

What is a forgiveness letter?

Someone has wronged you, which might have caused the feeling of anger or hurt within you. Or, you might have done something to yourself, and now, you wish to forgive yourself. Writing a forgiveness letter to someone or yourself is one of the most powerful ways to find inner peace.

There are three types of forgiveness letters. One is you will write to forgive someone. Another one will be seeking an apology from someone, and the third one will be the one you will write to forgive yourself.

Things to consider before writing the forgiveness letter

The first thing you want to do is a playback to what happened that day, where you have been treated poorly by the individual. Try to recollect your relationship with that individual before the incident. Concentrating on your breath, meditate for five minutes to clear your mind and align your thoughts.

Was it a relationship you truly valued? Did you have any affection towards that individual before the incident? And after that incident, what exactly did you feel about that individual? Try to find answers to these questions.

Decide the Intent of the forgiveness letter.

 As you have decided to write a forgiveness letter, you should keep a few things in your mind. First, you must determine what your intentions are behind writing this letter. If you intend to send this letter to the person to make them feel shame, guilt, or even if you want to apologize to them without any real heart in it, this exercise will be ultimately futile.

Writing the forgiveness letter.

While writing the forgiveness letter, keep these things in mind.

-Start with the name of the person who has offended you, what they have done to you, and why are you writing this letter. 

 -Describe your relationship with them before the incident. 

 -Describe your feelings during and after that particular incident happened. Describe in detail how that transmigration affected you. Acknowledge your hurt. 

 -Post you are done with describing the incident, again, turn your attention to them. Try to analyze what they must be feeling during and after the incident, and write it in detail. 

 -Try to analyze their reasoning behind what might have pushed them to behave in this manner.

 -Understand that you are not tolerating their behavior, but with the help of empathy and the fact that nobody is perfect, try to understand their side of the story.

 -Then, thank that person for that bad experience, and be grateful for the lessons they have taught you.

 -With compassion and without judgment, describe your intentions and plans. Write down the nature of the future relationship with whom you want to forgive. 

 -Close down the letter. Take a few deep breaths. That was a difficult task to do, and you have completed it.   

How to write an apology letter?

 Sorry is perhaps the most overused word by humankind when they don’t mean it. But, at the same time, when we mean it, it becomes the most complex word to utter. And that is why this apology letter is an effective way to unburden yourself.

-Just plainly say, you are sorry for what you did or said. Avoid using words like if and but while doing so.

 -Stand up, and own your mistakes. Take responsibility for your actions.

 -From your point of view, describe what happened. The person you are apologizing to deserves to know your side of the story. 

 -Instead of diverting the blame, take responsibility and keep the focus on your actions. 

 Let them know how sorry you are and what actions you are taking to resolve the issue. 

 -It takes a big person to admit he is wrong. Ask forgiveness from the person you have wronged.  

Should you send a forgiveness or an apology letter?

The letter’s purpose is to get rid of that intolerable burden you were carrying on your shoulders. So many people tear up and burn the letter to get closure and get rid of that negative energy.

If you have made up your mind to send the letter to the person you are forgiving, sit on it. Keep the letter enclosed in an envelope, and reread it after one month. Recheck your feelings after reading that letter. Even after that, if you feel like you should send this letter, then go ahead.

Initially, writing this will be hard. But, as you make a habit of seeking forgiveness and forgiving others, it becomes easier. Forgiveness is not a talent but a much-needed skill you must develop to make your life a little stress-free and a little happier.

This may sound silly or extremely hard, and even if you are skeptical about the process, give it a try. If it doesn’t work out, you will be short of a couple of pages. On the other hand, if it works out, and most probably it will, a forgiveness letter will change your life.

Tell us, was writing a forgiveness letter or apology letter as cathartic as you have imagined? What did you do with the letter? Do not forget to share your experience of writing a forgiveness letter with us.

We hope this blog helps you to gain some insight into the concept of writing a forgiveness letter.

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